Pam Murray's activity stream


  • donated via 2016-03-17 09:55:36 -0700

    Donate

    $262,582.45 raised
    GOAL: $300,000.00

    Kasem Cares isn’t just limited to the experience of daughter of celebrity father Casey Kasem; rather, Kerri’s experiences are just like countless other adult children with ailing parents all over the country, who have a step-parent or other caretaker placing restrictions and inhumane conditions upon the relationship between these adult children and their ailing parents.

    Because she grew up the child of a renowned entertainer and she now works in the entertainment industry herself, Kerri has spent more of her life underneath the spotlight than most people. Unfortunately, these circumstances have placed her private and very personal family tragedy on public display for all to see. The legal battles Kerri has fought and won—both for the right to visit her father and to obtain control over his medical care—brought national awareness and attention to issues many adult children today face and/or may one day confront in today’s world of blended families. With the death of father, Casey Kasem in June 2014, Kerri no longer has to fight to stop the elder abuse that was being perpetrated upon her dad; she nevertheless remains actively involved in the elder abuse prevention community.

    PLEASE join us in funding elder abuse awareness and education through Kasem Cares. Any amount is helpful and appreciated.

    With gratitude,

     

    Kerri Signature

    Kasem Cares is 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, and donations are tax deductible. For your reference our tax identification number is 47-3610518.  

     

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  • commented on Share Your Story 2016-03-17 09:49:52 -0700
    I read the LA Times “Dad, dying” on 3/16/16 and researched the Kasem Care website. I have 4 close relatives that have been victimized with POA’s.

    1-Father in law had living trust. Ten days after the death of his 3rd wife – his 3 stepdaughters took him to an attorney and convinced him to change the trust with a POA. The assets from his estate were re-allocated and my husband (his only child) was effectively “disinherited.” Due to my father-in-laws peculiar behavior, we asked to see a copy of the trust. He finally provided my husband with a copy. It was taken to an estate planning attorney who advised us that the POA gave all the assets and health care directives to his step daughters. The attorney advised the only recourse was a court battle. When my father-in-law was asked about the POA – he insisted it was not his signature (it was notarized by the attorney setting up the POA). He also claimed that the step sisters had promised to divide the property fairly with my husband. My father in-law was 84 years old and had dementia. The step daughters moved into his home – although promising to provide him care (meals & cleaning), it was never done. My father-in-law became depressed and hospice was called.

    My husband was called too. The stepsisters wanted him present to conduct the death watch; they did not want that responsibility (they were adults when he married their mother). My husband complied and comforted his father who died shortly afterwards. The funeral was planned 2 days later and my husband was not advised or invited.

    A court case ensued and $30k later, the step sisters prevailed. The POA was upheld by the Probate judge – the trust was superseded by a POA randomly drawn up by step relatives without his blood relative’s knowledge or consent.

    I mistakenly shared this situation with my step-mother – you guessed it!!!!

    2-Casey Kasem situation repeated, all done with a POA. My stepmother finally inherited from her mother and decided to travel the world. She put my father in a facility. I offered to take my Dad into our home – he had pre-Alzheimers. His only issue was forgetfulness – he was fully functional and had lived with us for 10 years already. My stepmother would not allow it and ceased communication with me except to reprimand me by email. She banned me from the facility and stated I could only have monitored visits in a common area. He could not leave the facility with me to take him to lunch. There was no communication with me from then on. The staff approached me and stated her demands were illegal but they had no choice – she controlled the $$. My father was placed in a Florida facility; my stepmother did provide me with a copy of the comprehensive POA. I am in CA; I did sneak visits to him but it became very expensive and cumbersome. We talked on the phone daily for several years. In the last conversation he insisted I come see him – he was adamant. I did not have the time or resources to do same. Two days later I was notified by email that he was being hospitalized with pneumonia. He died 2 weeks later at the age of 86, a very confused and lonely man. I was advised the funeral and burial were “private”. All this again done with a POA; no prior notification to his living relatives (the stepmother never raised us). I do understand that a spouse has precedence over children. I did not pursue this legally – too expensive and I learned my lesson with POA’s and Probate Court.

    3-My brother is brain damaged from a car accident 40 years ago. He was living independently for 30 years. I filed a lawsuit and obtained a settlement for him which was placed in an irrevocable trust. My parents, along with my family, assisted my brother. Subsequently, my mother, who developed dementia was exploited by my absentee sister who……you guessed it!!! Got a POA on my mother AND my brother. She took a page out of my stepmother’s playbook (and had direct assistance and advice from her). My mother “disinherited me” at my sister’s encouragement. My sister and I have not had a conversation (except by chance) for 10 years. She has terminated all contact with me.

    At my father’s request, my mother and I reunited after 3 years. I regularly visited my demented mother at my grandfather’s home (she was indigent). My mother had a fatal heart attack with me and died in my arms. When the paramedics arrived – I could not tell them anything about my mother or her medications. All that info was withheld from me. My sister never provided a copy of the POA to me.

    4-My brother was put in a facility by my sister shortly before my mother’s death. My mother requested I monitor his care as my sister was not responsible. I did so; I am the closest to my brother and raised him from 3 years old to adulthood. We are less than 1 ½ years apart. Another saga began.

    He was moved to various facilities – due to my brother’s brain damage. He was always mad and frustrated. My brother continually asked where his money was and disclosed to anyone that listened that my sister “stole” his $$. He was always dismissed or ignored. I became more involved in his care (or lack of care). He was in So. CA facilities so I could monitor him on a weekly basis. What I saw and experienced was concerning. When I would talk to the Administrators, they advised me I had no rights and could not request info regarding his care or prognosis – there was a POA on him. Both my brother and I requested a copy but one was never provided. Long story short – he had pneumonia & was moved to another facility but when I called because I had not heard from him (we talked at least twice a day), the staff stated he was there and doing fine. None of this was true. I watched my bother dissinegrate first hand. I called everyone; begged everyone for assistance. I was stonewalled at every turn – that POA!!! I even had my brother rescind the POA. No one listened or cared. I was advised to report this to the police (right!!); all his $$ disappeared. After the death of our father, he inherited $$ which went through probate so I had an idea of what he had in assets – and – it was a matter of public record.

    As a last resort, I sent a registered letter to my sister’s husband at his place of employment and was provided with a copy of the POA. It had been established 3 years prior and to my shock and surprise – I was listed as the alternate POA for his health care. There was no alternate on his financial POA; just my sister as primary. I guess being the alternate is meaningless; the facility still refused to share any info with me (at my sister’s request) – meanwhile, my brother developed a bed sore and deteriorated further.

    Just over a year ago, he was taken out the facility by my sister and moved to another state – Arizona. I made formal complaints with all the CA investigative agencies. The results were all “unfounded” – that POA is gospel. Again, a POA was drawn up without notification to the blood relatives by one conniving relative who obtained access to his health care decisions and $$. There is simply no enforceable recourse (handling both health care directives and $$ without an audit is contradictory).

    In Arizona, my brother was put on welfare. I advised anyone that would listen that he has assets!!! No one cares. I advised all the investigative agencies I could find but have to assume nothing was or will be done. I have never heard a disposition. My initial contact with investigators was contentious and that POA always prevails. I submitted a recension of the first POA but never heard back from the Arizona facility. All contact with my brother has been terminated once he went on welfare. The Administrator at the facility stated I was welcome to come and comfort him but would not be allowed access to a copy of the current POA or medical status per my sister.

    My brother’s daughter (yes, he has a high functioning adult daughter but no seems to care about that either) and I will be visiting him next week. I have no expectations – we have no input and for all we know, he is deceased. All because of this POA nonsense.

    I realize the POA is a convenient short cut for lawyers and a boon to their estate planning business. It needs to be monitored. The abuse is outrageous. I have experienced all this in the last 10 years. I cannot be the only one who has encountered this problem. I obtained 2 conservatorships on my grandparents (my mother was not capable of caring for her own parents) and witnessed firsthand the thoroughness of the Conservatorship procedure. All relatives are invited to the hearing and there is full disclosure.

    I realize this is family dysfunction at its best but there is really no recourse – I have tried and am $30k poorer as a result. The POA abuse must be addressed, monitored, modified and ideally stopped.

    Thanks for listening.

    Pam Murray

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  • signed Take The Pledge 2016-03-17 09:37:47 -0700

    Take The Pledge

    2,196 pledges

    Stop the Silence. Promote Awareness. Raise your Voice.

    • 1 to 2 million Americans age 65+ report having been abused by a loved one or someone they depend on for care.
    • Only 1 in 14 incidents of elder abuse are ever reported to authorities.
    • Only 1 in 25 cases of financial exploitation are ever reported, meaning there may be at least 5 million financial abuse victims each year.

    You can do your part to end the silent epidemic of elder abuse by taking the pledge to stand up against elder abuse. There are 10,000 people who are turning 65 each and every day (Pew Research Center), and we are rapidly approaching a time where nearly 50% of the population will be 65 or older. Together, we can end the silence of elder abuse by standing united and raising our voices against this growing problem. 

    Show your support in this movement, by pledging to end the silence, raising awareness in your community, and speaking up against elder abuse.


     

    "Kerri Kasem is working to honor our elderly. . by God it is very important and obligation to dignify our eldery...Freedom from isolation. Go Kerri Kasem. Thank you." V. Amaral

    "Without stimulation and love, people die." THANKS for pointing out that isolation is elder abuse." S. White

    "I can't thank you enough for starting this conversation. Your dad would be so proud. He is smiling watching you change such an important part of wishes that I am sure were already planned. It breaks my heart for all the pain you endure to get something that should not even be a fight. You are inspirational and have helped me keep my head on straight knowing how hard you are working. Thank you from the bottom of my heart." R. Bove

    "You are amazing! Keep up the fight for all those that can't." S. Benton

     

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